


Three Sorries and a Thank You

by yukiawison



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam comes home for the summer, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Gansey makes waffles, M/M, domestic Ronan Lynch, generally self-indulgent character development, post trk, what them kids do in college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 14:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12191697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiawison/pseuds/yukiawison
Summary: Adam Parrish is trying. He's always trying but now it's getting easier.(the bois at the Barns)





	Three Sorries and a Thank You

1.

He thought about Ronan when he applied for internships. In a shocking twist, Adam Parrish factored his return to Henrietta into his decisions. There were several options that began in July, giving him two months with Ronan before returning to his dorm room at Columbia. Two months, the idea of it made his pulse quicken. Two months of kissing a dreamer. Two months of sharp smiles and sunshine. In the back of his mind he thought that maybe he deserved a break. 

"Hey Parrish, how are finals?" Ronan asked. It was getting late and Adam was still working at his desk when he called. Adam yawned. 

"I'm alive," he said sardonically. "How are you?"

"I'm sleeping more than you are. How much longer do you have?" It might have been Adam's imagination but he sounded a little nervous. 

"Two weeks. You miss me?" Adam said teasingly. Ronan usually laughed at quips like that but he didn't this time. 

"I do miss you, a lot," he said, voice low. "I actually wanted to ask you something Parrish." 

"Yeah?" 

"I um, when you come back you should...I mean if you want, I'd like you to...fuck Parrish why is this hard? I um, would you like to move in with me? I mean it wouldn't be a big deal because you'd go back to school obviously so it wouldn't be for long and..."

"Yes, Ronan. Of course I will."

He heard him sigh. "You could tell how nervous I was couldn't you asshole?"

"A little bit. Thanks for doing it anyway." The Barns already felt like home. Ronan felt like home. He realized, with a rush of emotion that Ronan's bed would be his too. He thought about sharing closets, Adam's clothes being mixed so seamlessly with Ronan's that he'd end up wearing his sweatshirts: sleeves too long and collars stretched out. 

"I'll be home before you know it," he said, surprising himself with how easily he used the word home. Home was a foreign concept growing up. Home, along with love, safety, and friendship was a concept he learned only years later. "I've gotta go now Lynch. I love you."

"I love you too Parrish."

He didn't have a lot of luggage. The drive from New York to Henrietta was around 9 hours. He was beat when he pulled up to the Barns. He wanted nothing more than to collapse into a bed with Ronan's arm slung around his waist, warm and happy and safe for a moment. He put the Hondayota in park and sat at the wheel for a minute, sucking in shallow breaths and worrying.  _Please_ he thought,  _please don't mess this up._  He heard Ronan before he saw him. 

"Parrish are you gonna sit in there forever?"

 His hair was longer: falling in soft curls tucked behind his ears. Instead of his usual muscle shirt and jeans he was in a plaid flannel with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and tan shorts. Adam grinned like an idiot and got out of the car. 

He didn't realize he was running to hug him until he was in Ronan's arms. Ronan held him tightly and didn't let go for a long while. 

"I missed you," he said again. 

"I missed you too."

"Do I really get you for two whole months?"

"You really want me for two months Lynch?"

"If I could I'd have you all the time Parrish. Come in. I'll get your bags." 

Adam stepped inside hesitantly. It smelled like cinnamon and old wood. There was coffee in a pot on the counter and Adam walked over to pour himself a mug. 

"Where's Opal?" Adam asked, taking another sip. 

"She's with the psychics. They're good babysitters."

"You got a sitter?"

"You're here Parrish. Of course I got a  sitter."

Adam felt all tingly and energized despite his exhaustion. 

"We could watch a movie or something, if you're too tired to..."

"I'm not too tired," Adam said even though he knew it wasn't true. 

"Are you sure Parrish because we have plenty of time to do whatever we want."

"I'm not too tired," he repeated, but by the time Ronan was kissing him and pulling his shirt over his head he could barely keep his eyes open. 

"It's alright Parrish," Ronan muttered, laying down beside him. Adam rolled over and tucked his chin into the crook of Ronan's neck. 

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

2.

A week later it stormed: one of those loud, overbearing, startling storms that happened when the clouds had been getting heavier all week, threat increasing day by day. Opal, apparently, was in love with thunder and it lulled her to sleep better than anything. 

Adam, however, hadn't liked storms for a long time. In fact they scared him to death, a detail he didn't want Ronan to know about. So he panicked. 

"You okay in there?" Adam was hiding in the bathroom, pressed up against the door, his feet bare on the tile, shaking uncontrollably. He tried to steady his breathing but everything felt too fast and too blurry. 

"Parrish, say something or I'm going to assume the worst and bust in there."

"I'm okay," he managed, but his voice cracked unconvincingly. 

"You don't sound okay fucker. Open up." 

When Adam didn't Ronan started banging on the door. "Parrish you're scaring me. Open the damn door."

He opened the door. Ronan was red in the face with an angry expression that melted as soon as he saw how badly Adam was shaking. 

"What happened?" He asked gently. Adam wasn't sure he could be gentle for anyone else. Maybe Opal or Chainsaw but no one else. 

"I'm fine," he said, avoiding his eyes. "Just give me a minute and I'll..." There was a thunderclap and Adam nearly jumped out of his skin. 

"The storm?" 

He nodded. "When I was uh...11 my dad locked me out during a storm and I uh...kept beating on the door but he wouldn't let me in and I kind of go back there every time it storms. I'm sorry. It's a stupid thing to be so petrified about."

"It's not stupid. And don't be sorry Parrish. You never need to be sorry about that." Ronan reached out a cautious hand and touched his shoulder when he gave him a brief nod of approval. Soon he was pulling him in for a hug and stroking his hair and telling him it was going to be okay. "We'll get you earplugs alright? And next time you won't hide from me. I hate it when you hide Parrish. I hate it when I can't help you."

Adam sucked in a shaky breath and nodded. 

3.

Ronan was up and out weeding in one of his fields before Adam was even awake. Opal, accustomed to her guardian's early hours, was out helping, and the two of them were an odd sight when Adam ventured outdoors. He was still messy haired and in pajamas (a t-shirt of Ronan's and some striped shorts) and couldn't help but yawn in the dark of early morning. The sun wasn't even up. 

"Need any more help Lynch?" He called. Ronan's head popped up from the patch of carrots and discarded weeds he'd been piling in a bucket and he smirked at him. 

"You should still be in bed Parrish. You don't get to work on your vacation."

"No work! No work! Right Kerah?" Opal finished her little chant, running circles around the dreamer, before looking up at him for approval. 

"That's right. No work for Adam, brat. You still have to help me." He tousled her hair affectionately, displacing her cap and then putting it back on her head. 

"Let me make breakfast at least," Adam called back. 

Ronan's grin was wicked. "No need Parrish. We have a special guest chef this morning."

Adam hadn't expected to see him. He thought, as was carefully told to him by everyone else, that he was spending the summer on campus at Oxford. And it had been a long time, that's what Adam would say if anyone asked about his admittedly over-emotional reaction. Well maybe it wasn't over-emotional for regular people but it certainly was for him. 

Richard Gansey III was at the door with several bags of groceries. When Adam opened said door and saw him with his smudgy glasses and overgrown hair and hideously yellow polo he actually started crying. Gansey, understandably confused, hastily dropped the bags and tensed up in panic. 

"Adam, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He looked like he was about to retreat for a moment. It was the same look he got sometimes when they used to fight, usually about money or something else they could never see eye to eye on. When the fights got bad Gansey defaulted to panicked apology:  _I'm sorry Adam I just don't understand and obviously it isn't my place to..._ It was another reminder that they weren't the same. They'd never be the same. 

Adam hated Gansey's panic this time so he blinked hard and wiped a hand over his eyes quickly. 

"I'm happy you big dummy. I'm really happy and surprised that you're here."

A dopey smile cut through the anxiety written on his face. "You're happy?" He repeated like a prayer. "I'm happy to see you too Adam. Can I come in?"

Inside, Gansey quickly busied himself with waffle preparation. Adam poured them both coffee and interrogated him. 

"When did you get back to Henrietta?"

"About a week ago."

"I thought you were staying at Oxford."

He turned from his bowl of batter to look at him. "Ronan suggested we surprise you."

"Ronan did?"

"Well, Blue also contributed."

"Is she actually in Costa Rica or are everyone's summer plans false?"

He laughed and mixed some mini chocolate chips into the batter. "She's really in Costa Rica. We've been messaging but her wifi isn't quite up to par. I've gathered that she's having fun, and learning a lot about the ecology of the region."

"And Henry?"

"He's staying at Monmouth with me, keeping me from keeping myself up at night."

Adam was glad, for a moment, that maybe the general sleeplessness of their posse was beginning to recede. 

"How was Oxford?"

At this he turned around to face him again. There was some flour on his polo and his eyes looked wild behind his frames. "Adam, it has been excellent. There's so much history on the campus and in the country. The libraries are massive. I've joined a group of junior archivists who work with some of the oldest texts in the institution. It's incredible. And I've joined the caving club as well though they haven't had many events yet." He laughed again and Adam couldn't keep the smile that was tugging at his lips hidden. "Jane's mocked me for it but I've taken up rowing again. I'm not all that good but some of the seniors say they're priming me for the captain position."

"Are they now?" Gansey was good at anything he put his mind to, even if he didn't realize it. And naturally he came out as the unofficial leader in many situations. 

"I want to hear about you though, Adam." He was spreading batter into Ronan's dubious waffle maker (Dubious because it was clearly a dream object, all waffles came out in different shapes. The last several in Gansey's stack were in strange spirals and the next one came out in the outline of a raven.)

"Well..." Adam had a condensed spiel to present to anyone who asked but he figured Gansey wanted, and deserved more than that. "I'm taking some social work and political theory classes, as well as writing," he looked down at his hands. Gansey didn't know he wrote and he suddenly felt self-conscious about it. It was just something he'd started dabbling in, a way to get his feelings out. His professors thought he was quite good.

 "I've been interning for a non-profit that helps victims of domestic violence find legal help. It's actually really great working there. I don't feel like I have to hide anything about myself. And I can help people, which I've discovered is really what I want to be doing." It was frankly, a huge revelation summed up in a few words but it didn't feel wrong to say. And that was kind of liberating. 

"I have another internship lined up for later in the summer doing some more work for them, this time in their main offices. They...well I guess they really like me there. And I've made the dean's list."

"That's phenomenal Adam."

He shrugged, flushing slightly. 

"And you're happy?" Gansey asked gently. Of course, where others wanted to know his accomplishments Gansey wanted to know how he felt. 

"I'm getting there yeah." Gansey cocked his head to one side in confusion so Adam continued. "It's still hard to let myself be happy. I'm trying to be more honest about that because I know I don't talk like this a lot. But when I'm home, when I'm at the Barns with Ronan I'm really happy."

"Can I tell you I'm proud of you? Is that allowed?"

Adam smirked. "I'll allow it."

"You know sometimes when I really miss Blue, or Ronan or you I go to the gym and use the rowing machine until I can't feel my arms." He ran a hand through his hair nervously. "That sounds kind of dumb I guess. Other people work out to stay in shape or what not but there I am, just working out excess emotion."

"It isn't dumb."

"Thank you Adam."

The door that led into the yard creaked open and the two of them looked over at a very sweaty Ronan Lynch and a dirt covered Opal. "Do you have a waffle for me Dick?" He growled, eyes sharp but happy. 

"You both have to wash your hands first."

"Oh fuck off,  _Dad._ "

When Gansey left Adam let him hug him. He hugged too tightly, squeezing like it was the last time they'd see each other though it certainly wasn't. 

"He said the surprise was your idea," Adam said, once he'd gone. 

"I have ideas from time to time." Ronan was finishing the dishes. He hadn't let Adam help. 

"It was a good idea."

"I'm glad you think so Parrish." Ronan dried a glass and put it in a cabinet. Before Adam could say anything else Opal was barreling toward him with something in her hands. 

"Adam, look what I found!" She held up a plastic snow globe that tilted with multicolored glitter. When she put it in his hands he felt the rush of familiarity like a punch in the stomach. 

"This is..."

"I told you not to mess with dream things. You don't know what's in that shit. It could be dangerous." When Adam looked up at him Ronan's posture was tense. 

"But I am a dream thing Kerah."

"Why don't you go check on the chickens."

"Okay!" Opal said with a toothy smile. She skipped past Adam, hooves clicking, leaving the snow globe behind. 

"You dreamt this?" Adam asked. Ronan wasn't looking at him. 

"It's not like I fucking meant to. I dreamt a kid with hooves and a little brother and a fucking magical forest. I don't have complete control. Hand it over."

Adam complied and Ronan walked over to a cabinet he hadn't seen him open. He yanked the door open and the shelves were filled with glittering snow globes. There were maybe 30 of them in various shapes, sizes, and varieties of glitter. Adam thought about his writing and Gansey and his rowing machine. When Ronan felt too much he did something self-destructive...or he dreamt. 

"I miss him too," Adam said at last. He knew it wasn't the same. He was never as close to Noah as Ronan was. 

"I don't mean to dream up all this shit. It just happens." He shoved the new globe in with the others. "And I can't just throw them out."

"I know."

Ronan's whole body was still tense and his bottom lip was quivering but he pretended not to notice. "We didn't even get all of him that's the really fucked up part. We just got the Noah who had everything taken from him by some piece of shit who was supposed to be his friend."

"Ronan..."

"And it was enough. Of course it was enough I just...I wish he'd said goodbye."

Adam was up out of his seat and crossing the kitchen to get in his space. He took one of the snow globes off of the shelf carefully and took one of Ronan's wrists. He put Ronan's hand over his own and nodded for him to follow suit with the other hand. The two of them cradled the dream object together. Adam leaned closer and rested his forehead on Ronan's. The kitchen was still, apart from the dripping of the faucet. 

"I'm sorry I'm still such a mess."

"You aren't the only mess Lynch."

He choked out a laugh. "You were supposed to lie and tell me I'm not a mess."

"I don't lie."

"I know you don't."

+1.

It was blazing hot the day that Adam left. The Hondayota's seats would've burned him if Ronan hadn't dreamt up cooling seat covers. He'd given him a cooler full of food for the trip and a mix of shitty EDM that Adam was going to listen to anyway. 

"I'll be back for fall break. And again for Thanksgiving."

"We'll be here."

"I'll call you when I get back."

"I'll turn that godforsaken phone on for you then."

"I love you." Adam didn't say it often but he felt it. 

"I love you too Parrish."

"Thanks for having me."

"Thanks for coming home asshole. I'll miss you."

Adam kissed him. Ronan had let him take one of the snow globes back to New York. He knew that as soon as he got in the car everything was going to hit him in waves. He knew his chest would feel cracked open and he'd have to grip the steering wheel until his knuckles went white to keep from turning around. 

"Kick some preppy snob's ass for me alright? Academically if not physically."

"I can do that," he replied, smiling slightly. 

"Bye Adam."

"Bye Ronan."

**Author's Note:**

> Hey pals, if you're subscribed to me you might want to give this a read:  
> I'm a sophomore in college wow!! And I was super active over the summer but now I've got a bunch more stuff to do. In any case I hope you like this and I'm sorry I've been gone for a while. I've got a Voltron fic in the works as well as a an odd (but hopefully fun) DEH AU multi-chapter thing sketched out for the future. As always, thanks for reading. If you have any comments/questions/suggestions for the future (and legit these are very helpful as I try to diversify the crap I write) let me know in the comments or over on tumblr. I'm @all-we-see-is-bi now...sorry for any confusion but I felt the need for a new URL in my bones. Alrighty, have a good day/night!


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